Sacred heart university
|This page needs to be translated to Romanian Language|
Acest articol trebuie să fie traduse în limba română
Sacred Heart University was found in the year 1337 by a nun and Mr. T. Located în frumoasal Romania, the 56 acre campus is surrounded by a moat to protect it from Mongolian attacks. Under the direction of Jesus, the university has grown to sizes bigger than your ego, and is now the largest university in Eastern Europe. It is one of the fastest growing universities in the world. In fact, the expansion is so fast, that sooner or later the university will collapse on itself, forming a black hole which will destroy the larger part of the galaxy. Some of the famous alumni of this great institution are: Joseph Stalin, Derek Jeter and the people who built Chernobyl.
|Facts At A Glance|
|Enrollment||Male: 31%, Female: 57%, Other: 12%|
|Admissions||Students applied: 7,984|
Students accepted: 7,985
Average SAT score: Q minus
|Cost||Tuition: 24,500 Romanian Dollars |
Room: 6,900 Romanian Dollars
Board: 2,000 Romanian Dollars
Exchange rate: 10,000 Romanian Dollars = 1 Happy Meal
|Faculty||Full-time: 3 |
Indentured servants: 416 (by 3/5th compromise rule)
|After SHU||Career placement: 6%|
Incarcerated: 32% (including those returning as professors)
Living with parents: 57%
Sacred Heart University Penguins are part of a great sports tradition. Some of the sports are foosball, beer pong, rock-paper-scissors, dodgeball, rochambeau, and a retarded version of football called soccer. The great sports tradition comes from the 19 year losing streak of every single team. The last time the university won a championship hell froze over causing The Great Ice Age of 1920. The home facility for the Penguins is the Arm Pitt Center, probably named after the foul odor from the athletes.
There are a variety of different majors you can take, such as: slave managment, proctology, alchoholism, ebonics, heliocentry, and world domination. Most of the faculty at the university are endentured servants from third world countries like Mexico and Canada so they do a real excellent job, otherwise they starve to death. It is also rumored that LSD and alcohol were invented in the chemistry lab of this university. Beginning in the fall of 2006, a new doctorate program in ass kissing will be offered. This program will teach students how to advance their careers by doing absolutley nothing but taking credit for the hard work of others.
Because this University is part of Ivy League, the only 2 requirements for acceptence is the ability to breathe and rich parents. No SAT or ACT tests are needed because they are not recognized in Romania.
The students are in typical dorm-style rooms where you have to share your space with a stranger who is most likely a serial killer. Favorite past times of the student body is drinking and fornicating. The school has a dry campus, so there are no sinks or bathroom or even water fountains. However, on a sunny day you will see an Oasis which is bountiful with water, but when you run towards it you realize it's just a mirage, and you are stuck in a middle of the desert known as the Great Quad.