Sacred heart university

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Versiunea din 6 octombrie 2005 17:26, autor: 148.166.8.217 (Discuție)
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College Description

Sacred Heart University was found in the year 1337 by a nun and Mr. T. Located in beautiful Romania, the 56 acre campus is surrounded by a moat to protect it from Mongolian attacks. Under the direction of Jesus, the university has grown to sizes bigger than your ego, and is now the largest university in Eastern Europe. It is one of the fastest growing universities in the world. In fact, the expansion is so fast, that sooner or later the university will collapse on itself, forming a black hole which will destroy the larger part of the galaxy. Some of the famous alumni of this great institution are: Joseph Stalin, Derek Jeter, and the people who built Chernobyl.

Facts-at-a-glance

Enrollment male: 31% female: 57% other: 12%

Admissions students applied: 7,985 students accepted: 7,984 average SAT score: eleventy threeve

Cost tuition: 24,500 Romanian Dollars room: 6,900 Romanian Dollars board: 2,000 Romanian Dollars

  • exchange rate: 10,000 Romanian dollars = Happy Meal at McD's.

Faculty full-time: 3 part-time: 4 endentured servants: 416

After SHU career placement: 6% encarcirated: 32% living with parents: 57% MIA: 5%

Athletics

Sacred Heart University Penguins are part of a great sports tradition. Some of the sports are foosball, beer pong, rock-paper-scissors, dodgeball, rochambeau, and a retarded version of football called soccer. The great sports tradition comes from the 19 year losing streak of every single team. The last time the university won a championship hell froze over causing The Great Ice Age of 1920. The home facility for the Penguins is the Arm Pit Center, probably named after the foul odor from the athletes.

Academics

There are a variety of different majors you can take, such as: slave managment, proctology, alchoholism, ebonics, heliocentry, and world domination. Most of the faculty at the university are endentured servants from third world countries like Mexico and Canada so they do a real excellent job, otherwise they starve to death. It is also rumored that LSD and alcohol were invented in the chemistry lab of this university.

Admission Requirements

Because this University is part of Ivy League, the only 2 requirements for acceptence is the ability to breathe and rich parents. No SAT or ACT tests are needed because they are not recognized in Romania.

Campus Life

The students are in typical dorm-style rooms where you have to share your space with a stranger who is most likely a serial killer. Favorite past times of the student body is drinking and fornicating. The school has a dry campus, so there are no sinks or bathroom or even water fountains. However, on a sunny day you will see an Oasis which is bountiful with water, but when you run towards it you realize it's just a mirage, and you are stuck in a middle of the desert known as the Great Quad.