Universitatea Politehnica din Bucuresti

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University Politehnica of Bucharest (Poli)
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Motto "Intra cine vrea, iese cine poate!" ("Don't kid yourself, you'll never graduate")
Established June 6, 666 (BC)
School type Public
President Tanti Cati (a.k.a Abramburica)
Location Pukarest, , Romania
Campus Hell's Gates
Enrollment 99,999 undergraduate,
1 engineer
Endowment Taxpayers' money, used to feed the Brontosauruses.
Faculty Automatics and Computer Science Electronics and Telecommunications Transport Electrotechnics IMST FILS Applied Science Industrial Chemistry Aerospatial
Mascot The Brontosaurus
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Universitatea Politehnica din Bucuresti.

„This shit is better than Jurassic Park”

~ Oscar Wilde către Poli

„Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate!(Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!)”

~ Dante Alighieri către Poli

„Dormi studentule in pace, tara inginer te face!(Sleep well student, dear, the country will make you engineer!)”

~ Tanti Cati către learning at Poli


The University Politehnica of Bucharest, or more simply the "Poli", is a correctional facility university aimed at brainwashing (for those who have a brain) educating young Romanian idealists. The curricula of the first years is so attractive that most students would do outrageous things just to remain forever in the 1st and 2nd year. Noticing this trend, the teachers created special subjects which are impossible to pass (a good example being RM - "Restanta Mereu").


The Facility[modificare]

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The bleak surroundings of the main building in the campus have been set up only to throw you off track from its actual purpose. It is known among the students as the "Rectorat" (trans. Dungeon) and it serves as headquarters for the teachers. A little known fact is that it's strange oval shaped rooftop is actually a flying saucer, out of which the first generation of teachers has descended. Ever since, they have been known to kidnap the more docile students and hold them captive there until they become one of them.

Also the students held to become one of the idiots teachers would lose their sense of humor and get angry at jokes or anything that is funny in life and scream phrases like "muie ma" etc.

Among the many rooms present in the buildings, most are equipped with state-of-the-art facilities like heaters (only working when not needed), windows and electricity. Moreso, some special designated rooms (officially known as labs) have devices called "computers", which (unbelievably) work in conditions similar to 16th century castles (humidity, lighting and constant supply of power). Sources speculate that these devices were brought by the original founders of "Poli", but these rumors are unsubstantiated. What is certain is that most computers have special intelligent software that is designed to crash the machine when the user least expects it or when data of crucial value is being generated. Anonymous sources have divulged that this process is part of a larger "brainwashing" project designed to break the minds of the students there.

Another proof of this project is the general visual style of the buildings on campus. Tones of mostly gray and brown combining with late-communist period blues and yellows give the impression of decadence and hopelessness, while the grand and sobre-looking halls where course presentations take place (as opposed to the claustrophobically-small brightly-lit seminar rooms) give you the feeling of insignificance and impotence.

Course rooms are also equipped with wooden seats so old, carbon dating has revealed some of the wood to have come from Noah's Ark (thus explaining the myth). Alongside runes and ancient persian symbols, one bench actually had the following lines inscribed into it: "Jesus was here", followed by "Yes I was. J.C.". Why this text was written in English still puzzles scientists around the world.

After a few days of screaming "Please stop the pain! Kill me!" in a mental institution, our surviving spies reported that the tone of voice in which most courses are presented induces a state of trance, periodically interrupted by a blinding display of black-text-on-white-background presentations, most of which contain endless lines of text and complicated schematics. Experts we have asked agree that these resemble torture techniques used in interrogations during the cold war period. What other horrors our spies witnessed we will never know, as asking them further questions makes them instantly fall unconscious.

Academics[modificare]

Typical Poli student (seen here while taking a nap).

There is little information on this topic. Our spies fell asleep before they could gather any data.

The teachers here are complete idiots (several parts are missing) renowned scientists who want to die while teaching have dedicated their life to serving the needs of students.

The students here are known, though, for their uncanny ability to process huge amounts of information in the shortest period of time possible. Their ability to come out of a drunken state and memorise a 400 page book (including pictures!) in only one night for the exam next day has brought them praise and worldwide recognition..

Student Life[modificare]

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There are rumours about it, but it was never proven. Recent data shows that these students are mostly seen at night and are crazy party animals. Using Romanian beer they can live up to 2–3 weeks without any other form of nutrition.

The student life can be easily seen through some emoticons, representing the student's life in various moments of his education in this institution RO: Viaţa de student văzută prin emoticonuri

The girls here are few in numbers, and they don't really qualify as female representatives... people say "they are good fellows". Cash usually avoids them.

A favorite pastime among students is suicide. Many claim that this is the fault of the Faculty, but the teachers know better. It's obvious to them that the students actually reach Nirvana, and suicide is just the next step in their self-realization.

Quotes from Poli students[modificare]

Some students from Poli going out for a night on the town.
  • " Shit, I think it's fried... " (referring to a pre-WWII piece of lab equipment)
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna go to school..."
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna start learning..."
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'll quit drinking..."
  • " The most beautiful girl from our year is Marghioala.... Oh, wait... She's the only one..."
  • " The most beautiful girl from our year is Mateiash (n.r.: sex == male) ..."
  • " In Poli, the first seven years are the hardest."
  • " In Poli primii sapte ani sunt grei pana treci in anul trei. (Didn't want to spoil the rhyme)."
  • "How many women at a Poli party? About 10 GigaBytes.All naked."
  • "Questions only a student at Poli can answer :"
  1. "Why is the sky blue? "
  2. "Why do wet clothes become darker in color, even though water is transparent ? "
  3. "Why does the water turn off the fire?"
  4. "Why doesn't glue stick to the bottom of a glass ? "
  5. "Can blind men see their dreams ? "
  6. "Why do men have nipples?"
  7. "Why aren't airplanes made out of the same material as black boxes?"
  8. "How do subways get underground?"
  9. "It's midnight and it's raining. In 96 hours time, will it still be raining?"
  10. "At what speed does darkness travel?"
  11. "If it's 0 degrees outside today, and tomorrow it will be twice as cold, how cold will it be tomorrow?"
  12. "When you take pictures with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, is the man inside Mickey smiling?"

Research[modificare]

Besides educational purpose, this is the home of great success research projects such as "Turn your cat into an electrical device" (RO: Electrizeaza Pisica), "Discovering the Maxwell equations for the perfect cubic chicken in vacuum" and all sorts of pressing issues, for which the world is in need of solutions.

Famous Alumni[modificare]