Acest articol este în Limba Română ! ==Cine se îndură de el va avea o prăjitură.
Flora şi Fauna[modificare]
Romania is positively rife with vampires, dhampires (half-human, half-vampire), werewolves, and undead trees. The Romanian striped zombie, however, is threatened by poachers and declining sources of fresh brains. In late 2004, a single wild goat was reportedly spotted nibbling on an electric fence just outside of Bucharest, but the rare sighting has not yet been confirmed. In spite of it's precarious living conditions, the most famous animal in all of Romania is the majestic purple breasted Chupacabra . Truly a wonder of nature, this nocturnal predator, reluctant to breed in captivity, is hunted and savagely milked, for chupacabra milk is a key ingredient in most, if not all of the sacred rumanian beverages.
The worst specie that inhabits Romania is probably the edit warrior, which in his bloodlust and rage destroys everything wherever he goes. Romanian Insitute of Demography has seen a 376.28% rise of this specie since the creation of WiKis on the web.
However, a dark cult seems to be rising in power these days. Its members are called "The devil's animals" (animalele dracu') and are easily spotted on buses, completely drunk.
Flora is represented by large rubber trees which romanian people use to make ciunga, a traditional food.
In aceasta zona traiesc cele mai mari pizde al planetei precum Boc, Basescu sau alti politicieni. De asemenea aici regasim incredibila specie de fotbalisti de stepa reunimiti si sub numele de Curvelus Futes In Gures.
People in Romania are called Vasile.
- They have furry, smelly and incredibly delicate feet.
- For several years in the late 1960s, they served the Dark Lord Sauron (now known as Lord of the Dance, not to be confused with Saurug or Saruman).
- There is nothing in the world more powerful than a Romanian person drunk on tuica or Palinca, two magical Romanian potions.
- They pray every night to Ceausescu, the Romanian God.
Rumanians are also known for their magical ability to defy most of the known laws of physics, such as blowing smoke rings, telecommuting, exploding for no apparent reason, and staying up well past their bed-times.
Unfortunately, this is the extent of our knowledge on the secretive and humour-less people of Romania. Except for the rest of this article, which is mostly true and backed up by many years of highly scientific experiments performed on live weasels.
Gaina neagra de munte was a former species, now rediscovered in Romania. It's brain is now used in experiments concerning installation of Windows 95 on Computers for Monkeys. The body structure of this species is no bigger than 1 foot and 10. If you see one, squash IT !!!!! extremely dangerous, if they get near you, they BORE you to DEATH !!!! The prize on one's head is 0.007 yen, because they are very common seen in Romania near public toilets. "WIPE" them out !bull-shit's
Among the usual alcohol-blooded rumanians there are come counter-strike addicts that reside in the largest dormitory in Europe. Recent sociologic studies show that this race managed to form a religious "sectă" , opposed to insectă. They call themselves Marmoţii.When it comes to CS they are known as [M.U.C.] meaning Marmotii urăsc curăţenia . Their main occupation is wasting time, raising money to support the lack of water in Sahara by buying Coke. The founders of these weird Rumanians are: Conopidă, Carcasă, Focka' and Coiotu'. Latest members are Aliphie, Screetch and Lalas. Beware as there are from cities like Călăraşi and Slobozia mainly. The particularity of these cities is that it's inhabitants tend to populate every city. There are currently 2 regions on the Moon and 1 city in Uranus that aren't inhabited by these people. Coming soon to a city near you.
Romanian mating rituals while playing manele MP3 music are dark and mysterious, probably because there is no electricity in Romania (How can they listen to mp3s without electricity?! Damn, we're stupid for not finding that out!)
The raising of children in Romania is also a mystery to scientists all over the world. Although we are certain that they do feed their children with breast milk, there is evidence that they also leave their children in the care of wolves or other wild animals, following traditions from their long lost Roman Empire.
As such the children in Romania are brutal and have 95% chances of becoming manele singers and performing dark rituals. Until their adulthood they are mostly violent, stupid as Hell, and revelling in mindless parties accompanied by lots of Ţuică, Beer and manele. They are prone to making wild sounds inherited from their animal adoptive parents. If by some mistake the romanian childred escape from manele virus they are doomed to live "dupa blocuri" or "in the 'hood" where they live a life of joy and eliberation pigmented with weak narcotics like aurolac.
Romania's primary export is drama. Rumanian roommates are the world's greatest natural source of drama, and their output does not diminish over time. Romania is also the world's leading exporter of vampires, gymnasts, and sexual fetishisation of old women.
It has not yet been proved by reliable scientific experiments, but the state of mind, habits and mostly drinking rituals of Rumanians is contagious. Many visiting tourist have been spotted in Romania and after leaving this country, imitating rumanian habits: swearing like truck drivers in an traffic jam on a hot day summer, stinking like a truck driver on a hot day summer, drinking like a truck driver in a break on a hot day summer and finally burping as a sign of self content.
Romania's secondary export consists of a very peculiar vehicle (miraculusly produced there, since the country has no economy) called Dacia. Dacia is a very spacial form of transportation and might even be, in the future, an alterantive to ecological engines powered by electricity or fuel cell, since it seems to be entirely propelled by curses. Curses are also required for maintenance, because changing oil or a faultive spare part has no effect on the functioning. On the contrary, saying to it "rabla dreacu'", or, in extreme cases "'tutzi mortzii matii de fieratanie!" would always work. If, by any means the above don't work, you can always push it.
Due to it's Botswana neighbour, the currency of Romania is the "pula". The history of pula starts from the 18-th century during which there were gold pula coins. The banana merchants of Romania were testing the gold coins with their teeth so a new expression emerged: eat my pula that meant test my money, I'm good for. Even though the pula gold coins were withdrawn from the market in in the 1980's by the rroman community, the inertia of the language kept the expressions alive. It is not uncommon for rich old banana merchants in Romania to say to their young wives: "eat my pula" which can be translated "spend my money, my credit card has no limit".
Romania (d) has strong diplomatic relations with Croatia, particularly with the City of Pula. Viewed as a tropical paradise, the City of Pula is regarded as a dream for many romanians. They have a special place in their minds where they go often - this place is named by many "My Pula". Not surprisingly, expressions like "go into my Pula" (which is a strong praise) or "i'll take you to Pula" (a great honour) "take my Pula" (sharing of dreams), as also "dute-n mortii matii" (go there at beautiful place ) is not a rare expresion , that meen the Romanian people are friendly with other races/cultures but they words are very often used
The main foe of the romanian people is the romanian people. They are constantly enganging is battle against one another on a family scale or on a city scale. Due to the existence of TV, all romanians are more than happy to asist to these fights. The reasons are mainly based on social missunderstandings concerning the role of male and female in romanian families and in some cases on random events like results on football matches.
In 1756, a bloodless revolution resulting in some 1 million mutilations, 267,000 viral infections and 72,506 bisexual cows—but zero deaths—brought to power an anarchical government. This authoritarian regime has remained in power ever since thanks to the ingenious use of dictatorial tacos and nachos.
As Cristi Magureanu once said: "Nachos and tacos are the main causes of oppression in Romania".
Now Romania is ruled by a junta of claustrophobic maniacs who like to organise naked parties in the sewers.
After the lost of the long departed dear Ceausescu, ruler of them all, the people of Romania found themselves lost, without a paternal figure. So, in order to compensate this tragic lost the rumanians voted at each democratic elections the little brother of Ceausescu - Iliescu (Iliescov). The resemblance between the two of them offered the rumanians that beloved peace of mind: the poverty, the outrageous public thefts, the peak of bureaucracy and so many lovely communist traditions.
The current ruler of rumanians is a former corsair which goes by the name of Traian Basescu. Although his name seems to resemble to those of the former presidents, we must notice that he is only trying to establish himself as a new emperor of the newly formed Empire of Romania, which will be established in the next hours. It was rumoured that Basescu is a pig, but his recent public appearances seemed to have infirmed this rumours. He also became famous for his military campaign against stray dogs who were planning to take over the galaxy. As a consequence, now cats are secretly running it, while dogs are sent to reeducation camps were they learn how to become soap. An unconfirmed rumour states that this is the same soap Bush and Blair are using.
Law-making and law enforcement[modificare]
Yes, laws DO EXIST in Romania and nobody is above the law. However, one can commit any possible criminal offence and yet face no penalty, unless:
- he’s too poor
- he’s too stupid
- he’s just pissing the wrong fuckin' tree.
Rock culture is starting to grow in Romania. This year (2005), many Rock bands came, and will come here. Megadeth is an example. Adi The Wonder Boy (sa-l pisham in gat)) , the hard rock legend, will open the Megadeth concert with his brutal, yet soft crow-like voice.
Coaie pe Zacusca,Bocanc pe fata lu ma-ta & Viu in Sicriu are the creators of the Rahovian Black Metal, a strange combination between black metal, folk, blues and the Rahovian music, Manele. Their subjects are based on the ancient god Zacusculos, which betrayed his people, the all-powerful Rahovian soldiers. Another revolutionary musical presence on the Rumanian scene is Boratorii, the godfathers of catholic barf metal grind-core crossover, a complex genre revolving mostly around the subject of grandpa fisting and the doings of Marele Izvoru' or, the Great Waterhole as he is known in international circles and his never-ending legacy.
One of Romania's greatest sculptors, Constantin Brancusi, has sculpted a piece called "Coloana infinitului" or "The column of infinity" in English. It is considered a masterpiece nowadays but the truth is that the sculptor was a wild man who fell into a very deep hole as a child and his parents dropped him a large tree trunk to help him get out... it took him years to chop the column from the tree trunk until he could use it as a ladder. Because it took so long for him to complete his escape he named "The column of infinity". It is still unknown why he wasn't dropped a rope for him to get out or how he survived in the hole surrounded by his bodily residues.(yuck!)
Romania wasn't always the beautiful tropical paradise you see today, a few thousand years ago, 4000 BC to be exact [Dacia] was covered in thick forests inhabited by various small rodents that fed on each other. The only populace in those days was a tribe of happy forest elves that were living their happy lives deep in the Transylvanian forests prancing about and gnawing on tree bark and various animal waste. The rest of the world was conquered by the evil Roman Empire lead by their vicious, blood-thirsty ruler, Emperor Attila the Hun. Not fancying very much the elven culture and their pointless happiness and prancing, the evil Romans decided to conquer their forests, burn their villages and sexually abuse the elves. Although they did not have anything against being sexually abused by unwashed Romans, the elves really cared about their forests so they prepared for war.
The main battle was fought in 104 AC the neighbouring country of Taiwan because in Romania it was raining and none of the combatants wanted to get mud all over their shoes. Realizing that they have much in common and are sexually attracted to each other the elves and romans stopped brutally slaughtering one another and instead started procreating. A few years later a new nation, a proud nation was born, the Rumanians. The Rumanians lived happily for approximately 2000 years not showing any sign of progress in any domain because of a racial genetic disorder that later historians used to call 'congenital lazy bastarditis'. Seeing how vulnerable this small country of morons was, a pack of evil communist vampires lead by Dracula installed a communist regime. The local population was enslaved and the vampires proceeded doing their evil deeds like painting things red, eating the flesh of unborn babies and milking cows without using sterile gloves.
In 1989, sick of enslavement and being forced to pluck chickens and then glue their feathers back every day, the people started a revolution and attacked the communist vampires with pork steaks and killed some of the vampires and so the communist regime was defeated. The Rumanians went back to their caves and lived happily ever after doing their traditional activities like playing football with their faces and trying to find love on (m)IRC. Surprisingly, the latter almost eradicated the well-known prostitute phenomenon as some Turkish drivers might complain occasionally. This being said, the elves descendants don't give a damn on pornography either. With such powerfool tools as IRC and countless Forums everybody can became an actor whenever (s)he wants, e.g. in front of the webcam or with no cam whatsoever.
Actually, the most important thing in Romania's History is it's former president, Ivan Iliescov who invented the smiley. As a recognition, almost all smilies are red, yellow or blue, the colours of Romania's national flag. So remember, whether it's red, yellow or blue, whether it's happy or sad, every smiley you see is an embodiment of Romania's former president.
Little is known today about Romania's heroes. However a name stands out: Bulaand the HUGE DESTROYER OF'EM ALL BAHOI. Very little is known about Bula himself (whether he is still alive or long gone, whether he was/is rich or poor, what his real name is/was). One thing is certain, though - Romanians tend to attribute to him the kind of events that always seem to happen to someone's neighbours aunt's father-in-law's mechanic. Although questioned by many as myth or legend, the way of Bula is strong with the proud and alcohol soaked romanians.
Other modern day heroes and role models include such names as Adi Minune and Guta (a unusually grave mutilating disease was named after him). These fine illiterate poets lead the masses of the drunken romanian zombies into trance-like states thus performing complex rituals such as adorning themselves with cheap yellow metal, wearing black tight shirts with "burta" and duck-built shoes.
As of late a new brand of romanian hero is startong to emerge: the "sarsan". This new brand is mainly represented by soccer people such as Gigi Becali: the illiterate sheephearding terror of the Balkans and his accolite Adi Mutu or Mutu the Inhaler. I thought Laura Andresan is the almighty inhaler...
Of course, the modern heroes of Romania are Peste and Pula, brother and sister, who have possession on over 90% of the goods in Romania. This possession is strongly reinforced by the romanian population, so, as an example, if a smart guy ("destept") belongs to Pula or Peste, or even works for them, you should hear the people around him say "Desteptul Pulii" or "Desteptul lui Peste". Pula tends to have more things than Peste, specialising in cars, cops, teachers and whores. On the other hand, Peste has more valuable stuff, like politicians, medics and so on.
The national anthem of Romania is Dragostea Din Tea. An excerpt is found here:
Alo! Salut. Sunt eu un haiduc.
Si te rog iubirea mea primeste fericirea.
Alo. Alo. Sunt eu Picasso. An other song that wants to be the national anthem of Romania is Fuck You Romania , avery nice song about birds and flowers , about the stupidity of the police and all that nice shit.