Politics of Romania
De la Neciclopedie
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[modifică] Romanian legal system
Yes, laws DO EXIST in Romania and nobody is above the law. However, one can commit any possible criminal offence and yet he will face no penalty, unless:
- he's too poor
- he's too stupid
- he's just pissing the wrong fuckin' tree (click here for a list of highly un-recommended trees belonging to SRI (Romanian Service of Informations, a.k.a. Securitate), to the Government and to the Parliament)
The laws are written by the "Senate", which is one of the two major dormitories in the parliament of Romania. The nation's finest are educated here in the skills of snoring, farting, nose-picking, arse-picking (followed promptly by finger smelling) and other such skills. The other dormitory is called "The Deputy Room" and what goes on there is still a mystery to most people.
Dormant parasitical creatures called "avocati" (lawyers) haunt Romania sucking not just blood but anything that come across ( they are, however, very fond of dicks)!
[modifică] Government
As of right now we think the communists are in control but eh, who can tell? Well i know a girl who can answear to any question. Her name? Elena Udrea.
200 B.C. was the year that Jvljvs Ceasar united the tribes of Romania and declared himself emperor of the Romanian people. Over the next 1500 years, the Romanians spread their empire peacefully, through dint of their superior culture. This period became known as the Pax Romanianium.
In 1756, a bloodless revolution resulting in some 1 million mutilations, 267,000 viral infections and 72,506 bisexual cows -- but zero deaths -- brought to power an anarchical government. This authoritarian regime has remained in power ever since thanks to its ingenious use of dictatorial tacos and nachos. As Cristi Magureanu once said, "nachos and tacos are the main causes of oppression in Romania".
In 2004, after the elections, Adrian Nastase, the displaced prime minister, could return to his life long passions: giving oral sex to old people on the bus, and anal sex with Matusha Tamara.
Now Romania is ruled by Traian Basescu that leads a junta of claustrophobic maniacs who like to organise naked parties in the sewers. After the lost of the long departed dear Ceausescu, ruler of them all, the people of Romania found themselves lost and without a paternal figure. So, in order to compensate this tragic loss, the Rumanians voted at each democratic election for the little brother of Ceausescu - Iliescu (or Iliescov). The resemblance between the brothers offered the Rumanians peace of mind: the poverty, the outrageous public thefts, the peak of bureaucracy and so many lovely communist traditions.
The current ruler of Romania is a former corsair which goes by the name of Traian Basescu (anagram for satanic abuser). Although his name seems to resemble those of the former presidents, we must notice that he is only trying to become the first emperor of the newly formed Empire of Romania, which will be established in the next few hours. It was rumoured that Basescu was a pig, but his recent public appearances seemed to have proven this rumour as false. He also became famous for his military campaign against stray dogs who were planning to take over the galaxy. As a consequence, now cats are secretly running it, while dogs are sent to re-education camps were they learn how to become soap. An unconfirmed rumour states that this is the same soap Bush and Blair are using.
The home of the President of Romania, the Blue House, is a house that rivals the famous White House in Washington D.P. The President of Romania conducts his day-to-day business inside the Blue House. Some things that are included in his day-to-day business include traveling to Iceland, running laps around his desk, and eating ice cream sundaes. The Blue House was actually the second choice for the seat of Romainian Government. Their original headquarters, The Big Blue House was overrun by bears in the summer of aught'five.
[modifică] Diplomatic Relations
Romania has strong diplomatic relations with Croatia, particularly with the City of Pula. Viewed as a horror paradise, the City of Pula is regarded as a nightmare for many Rumanians. They have a special place in their minds where they go often, called "my pula" by many. Not surprisingly, expressions like "baga-mi-as pula" (which is strong praise), "trag pula-n tine" (a great honour), or "take my pula" (sharing of dreams) are common phrases that mean the Rumanian people are friendly with other races/cultures.
The main foe of the Rumanian people is the Rumanian people. They are constantly engaging in battle against one another on a family scale or on a city scale. Due to the existence of TV, all Rumanians are more than happy to assist in these fights. The reasons are mainly based on social misunderstandings concerning the role of male and female in Rumanian families and in some cases on random events like results on football matches.
The racial enemies of Rumanians are those who are destined to lie on the deepest pit of hell: Hungarians and Urs Meier.
[modifică] Political figures of Romania
[modifică] Traian Basescu
Basescu is a long hair hard-death metal-rocker, the leader from the dark of his band, PD (partidul democrat). He sometimes goes to manele concerts and does POGO with the "manelari" aka the oposition... He really likes the "narod" (people) toasting with them one to many times especially at "Golden Blitz" with his good buddy Jiji "Oierul" a.k.a "The sheep keeper" a.k.a "Razboinicu Luminii". He has a friendly attitude (especially during election periods) but he also has x-friends like his x-class mate Tariceanu. They were very good friends, copying at exams together, watching under girls' skirts, putting chewing gum on the teacher's chair, sleeping during class and other related stuff. All went well until one day they were playing "miuta" (football) and Base, like he likes to said being the president of the class: "Un presedinte jucator" ("Playboy President") and his friend, nicknamed "securist sef". They were both fighting to get the "ball of power" so they broke up their friendship "Alliance DA". After that, a conflict broke between the two, in which they used a very powerful weapon named "biletele" (tickets). They did that in order to be sure that all news programs except "stirile cu violuri de la ora 5" (the five o'clock rape news) are broadcasting their intellectual assertions. to be continued...
[modifică] Burebista
Burebista (aka Pulepizda the eternal, Burebista the hairy, Borosh Pishta) 1002BC -90something BC
Burebista was a great Dacian ruler, some call him the man who created the modern Romanian drinking habit. He was the one that encouraged, through his progressive views, the production of hard alcohol, by destroying the local wine production units (LWPU). The alcoholic Dacian population had no other alternative than to distill all of their belongings. The result was Ţuică.
Burebista is also the most free server from hotline community.
[modifică] Ceausescu
Ceausescu was one of the greatest kings of Romania. No one knows where he was born, but the rumour is that his mother left him in the jungle, and that he was adopted by a wild pack of communists. At the age of 7, he learned the communist language, and started to use it. He was then voted king of the jungle, taking the lions place.
When he was 21, he found a strange egg near a dogs nest. The egg then hatched, and Elena, a brainless atomic mutant, came out. It was love at first sight! They got married, and went in Bucharest for the honeymoon. There, they made 5 children: Richard Nixon, Ali Baba, Che Guevera, The Pope and Bill Gates.
No one knows how, but the Ceausescu couple became king and queen of Romania; the first law they made was that the Rumanians work twice as hard (note that the main occupation in Romania is nose picking) - so the Rumanians are the hardest nose-picking workers in the area.
With the left overs from their nose picking they erected many monuments and that's why their capital, Bucharest, is "muci" - "wonderful" in English. In the late 80's Ceausescu feared that he would soon be overthrown from the throne so he employed great shamen from beyond many mountains and many seas (Iraq, Serbia) to perform dark rituals to make him even more powerful. He paid them in food and he paid them so richly that no food was left in the country.
That's why on the 25th of December 1989, Ceausescu was eaten by a wild pack of newly hatched Romanian cannibals. And that was the end of one of the greatest kings of the jungle.
[modifică] Stefan cel Mare
Stefan cel Mare (Stefan the Great) was the most important ruler of Moldova, a part of Romania. He killed turks for pleasure with a little wooden blade. He killed about a million Turks and then got bored and killed himself once there was no Turk alive. Basically, a sadistic fuck.
Sometimes credited as Andreea Marin.
Stefan cel Mare is also known for his large number of offsprings (around 100 of those little bastards). Their name is Vaivoda (meaning - oh, my lord), the shout that his women made of pleasure. The reasons for so many children was simple. Moldova was always at war, whether with turks, poles, tatars, hungarians or between themselves. Therefore every time moldovian soldiers went to war, Stefan was left to deal with their women.
This however created deep problems because by creating so many offsprings, the disease called "bucurestenita" couldn't be controlled, and has degenerated them (not all of them obviously), in people with mental deficiencies, which can be seen even in our days (best example - Dumitru Sechelariu)
[modifică] Teoctist
Teoctist is the current patriarch (notorious SRI member, but ponderate one - if so is possible) of the romanian orthodox church, even though he was known to use un-orthodox ways to become a priest. He failed 3 times to his exams, trying to prove to his teachers how much he like being a theology student. Satisfied for his perfomance his examiners decided to take a break while our beloved student was trying to figured out the ins and outs of the holy books. He also lead "MISA" in absence of Guru.
Although he seems to be liked by old people, there is an explantion for that. Romanians are known for their amazing ability to see good in bad by saying "Dracul nu e atat de negru" (The Devil is not that black as it would seem). In fact considering Teoctist is the last poltical figure from the communist age, we could say that the Devil is in fact more or less red.
[modifică] Gigi Becali
a.k.a. "The light warrior" (in original "razboinicul lumini")
"Economically speaking, you su*k my di*k" ("iei muie, ba" in original) - Jiji Bekaly speaking to jurnalist 10 July 2005. This is true.
Also known as Jiji Berbecali (Beeeeeerbecali), he is one of the greatest Rumanian politicians!! Although his origins disappear in the mists of time and no one knows his age, there are rumours that he may be the result of the love between a Moldavian shepherd and his black sheep, if we are to believe the Rumanian legend Mioriţa.
More recent discoveries make us believe that he is the child of Dark Vader and Obi Van Kenobi. He is considered to be the greatest philosopher of the XXI century. The famous remark: "Dîn..dîn..dîn...." made him to be so appreciated and worshiped (better said worsheeped). Fişier:Razboinicu luminii.jpg He started as a shepherd, following his family's tradition. Then, he bought a football club called Steaua so great that Real Madrid could not win so they scored an own goal (thanks Banel Nicolita, we all love your mother) and thus helped Real Madrid win.
At a time of social unrest following the leaving of the national god Ceausescu to heavens, when the rulers of the country were about to sell it to the martian mob, he decided it was the time to take Romania's fate into his own hands and bring a meaning to the existence of the drunk Rumanians.
Since then, he has been called the Warrior of Light. Now he wanders through the country and the TV screens together with his faithful servant and bodyguard Mee Mee (yes, like a sheep) Stoica, carrying a Bible in his pocket and "The Warrior of the Light" by Paulo Coelho in his other one, smoking crack and fighting injustice, poverty, the Hungarians and the windmills. He doesn't own a horse any more, because it was stolen, but the thieves were kind enough to leave him a Maybach instead.
His worst enemies are the journalists, especially 2 of them called Huidu and Gainusa. He also hates Antena 1, a rather important TV station owned by his idiotic political adversary, Dan Voiculescu. Fişier:Saint becali.jpg It is interesting to notice that Gigi Becali likes to impersonate Rumanian Historical figures, such as Michael the Brave or Corneliu Zelea-Codreanu, known for their violent deaths (decapitation and strangulation). Either he considers himself their equal, or he's looking forward to embrace their tragic destinies.
Rumanian scientists are still debating on Mr. Becali zoological nature. Despite the neverending scientifical debates, they reached the conlusion that his race will evolve to Homo Sapiens Sapiens in about 12 billion lightyears.
The future of Mr. Becali is, for the moment, to be decided by the Rumanian High Court.
[modifică] Mircea cel Batran
In free translation "Mircea the Old", a.k.a. Mircea the Great (because Ceausescu didn't like the old bit), he is best known for playing in a poem by Eminescu, arguably Romania's greatest man killed by the SRI because he didn't like jews, where he had some sort of argument with the Turk sultan Bathroomwall (Baiazid). One of the famous lines of the poem is "Tu esti Mircea?" (R U Mircea?), a line that sparked so many defamatory answers in Romanian history that many people were afraid to name their boys Mircea. Anyway, Mircea and Bathroomwall get into an argument about computers (they talk about RAM, associated with some unknown type of memory - RIUL), about the Pope and his three crowns one on top of the other, about the weather (Fulgere-adunat-au contra fulgerului care...) and about where is best to feed your horse (apparently this place, a.k.a. Pristolul is somewhere in Rome, Italy). Anyway, the old guy kicks the Bathroomwall's butt in the ensueing battle in Rovine (a place that Romanian historians have not been able to pinpoint to this day, because that paw-maker Eminescu did not describe it very well) and it all ends in the (in)famous verses about Vlad Tepes (Vlad the Impaler), the prison and a mental institution, which I shall not utter here. The end! However, there are many versions of this poem, most of them unofficial; but the best known is the short version (reproduced here integrally, courtesy to Balanel&Miaunel Production): Tu esti Mircea?/Nu. (in translasion: R U Mircea?/No.)
Legend has it that Bathroomwall and his troops had camped on the shores of the Danube, across from Mircea the Old's citadel. Every morning at exactly 6 AM, Mircea would go on his shore, sound a trumpet and call Bathroomwall:
"Bathroomwall, Bathroomwall!"
"Yes, what is it?" would a sleepy Bathroomwall reply.
"Eat shit!" Mircea shouted and all the Romanian troops would pee their pants.
This went on for weeks. Nobody knows why the turks didn't cross the damn Danube already.
Anyway, one morning Bathroomwall woke up at 5:30. He went on the shore and shouted:
"Mircea, Mircea!"
"What?" answered Mircea.
"Eat shit!"
"Sure, I'll serve it to you in half an hour!"
Bathroomwall, realizing he'd been fooled once again, personally cut off the balls of every single "Spahiu" (toilet cleaner) in his army, then threw them into the Danube. The Spahiu testicles reacted to the radioactive environment and the Danube has been infested with the dreaded Nut-fish (a carnivore that feeds on genitalia of fishermen) ever since.
[modifică] Mircea Geoana
Mircea Geoana, often reffered to as "Prostanacul" (the illuminate one), is the leader of the Great Cowmunist Party of Romania. Although his political achievements are neglectable, he is known for being one of Romania's highly regarded actors, having played small roles in "Film Red" movies (mostly produced by the Hammer and Sickle company) as well as the part of the jester in Walker, Texas Ranger co-starring the almighty Chuck Norris. He is also one of Romania's top bloggers as of 2007. Besides his political career he is also a notorious member of the SRI. According to his statement in Parliament, when referring to the SRI officer's number he said: "nici noi nu stim cati suntem" (we have no idea how many we are).
[modifică] Văcăroiu
Ce se-ntamplă?(What's up?)
Văcăroiu (=cowboy) aka Nea Văcă aka Vodkăroiu is the most popular romanian political cowboy. He ruled the second generation of governments after the 1990 and 1991 Mineriades. At that time Văcăroiu was preety unknown on the romanian political stage, but due to heavy drinking habits of Ţuică and Palinca he made himself very popular among miners in Valea Jiului (aka betzivani or betzivani ratatzi). He made "Cinste" (a pure romanian kind of social fellatio) to Miron Cozma, the miners' leader, who helped Văcăroiu rule the government and his country to prosperity and high life standards.
But Văcăroiu, as a cowboy, ignored the local indigens, the people of Rromania, known as "rroma" and these "taxed" him at the 1996 elections, voting for a goat (named Constantinescu). Văcăroiu retired for 4 years in the place known as "La Cătzaua Leshinată" ("The Passed Out Bitch") where, helped by Ţuică and Palinca, he recharged his batteries for the 2000 election campaign. He learned how to drink from two bottles of Ţuică in the same time, how to lie down on the floor without falling down and how to find his way home through the network of "Shantzuri" (a kind of aqueducts). In 2000 he was elected as the second man in the state (after Bunicutza Iliescu-3-Mandate, The Cotroceni Owl).
Nea Văcă continuied his political ascension in the Senate of the People of Romania - Senatus Populusque Romanianus(SPQR), because the place known as "La Cătzaua Leshinată" moved one floor up in the building. Nea Văcă was helped by Năstase-4-Case (4 houses) aka Adelu who called the elevator for him in the morning and the taxi at night. Until 2004 Vacaroiu was drinking so heavily and so late, that Năstase Adelu spent all the budget on Ţuică and Palinca for him. But the cowboy's charm won. In 2004 the social category named "babalaci" and "pensionari" voted for him once again, and he was elected as the second man in the state, this time after Băsescu "the Fart-man" Marinelu "the Sailor".
Consternated by the popular vote, the ruling party in Romania (in fact the Just-Ice and RainWater Alliance) is preparing a guerilla for overthrowing Văcăroiu. The comando is formed by experienced political warriors: Boc "care-face POC" and the photomodel Tăriceanu, under the strict coordination of the most powerfull of all, Băsescu.
Chances for Văcăroiu to be overthrown are about 60%, the rest of 40% were drunk by Nea Vaca (see Ţuică).
Părerea mea! (My two cents.)
[modifică] Corneliu Vadim Tudor... don't laugh, his name really is Corneliu
Coneliu Vadim Tudor AKA Corneliu Vaccin Tudor is Romania's own Hunter S Thompson (if he were to be born in nazi Germany), explorer of far lands known as Diazepam, Rudotel, Xanax, Carbamazepine and Haloperidol.
WCT was the right hand of TV personality and part-time dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, and as Ceausescu's right hand he was entitled to the most important functions under his regime - the presidential button pusher, the presidential scratcher, the presidential high five giver, the presidential butt-whiper, the presiddential handjob-man, the presidential fondler of the president's wife sweet, sweet ass. After the 1989 revolution, when Ceausescu was misplaced, WCT considered himself promoted to God's own right hand, and has since been trying to create man under his resemblance, succeeding in the birth of his own political party, the Greater Romania Party. The party's Central Committee is located in a painting he made while on vacation in his wardrobe.
Besides a colossal knowledge of history, and of personal histories acquired during his activity in the research group known as Securitate, Corneliu Vadim Tudor is an accomplished artist, writing fine poetry collected in albums such as "Limba mi s-a lipit din nou de fundul dumneavoastra, iubite presedinte"(1985), "Nu-mi plac oamenii diferiti"(1990), "Insa Nati Meir pare un om de treaba"(2003), "Pe care il voi zdrobi"(2005), and composing folk songs such as "I've only got one nut, and that's myself", "Pump up the Valium"
In the last 15 years, WCT and his troubled soul-mate, Gheoghe Funar, decided to paint the entire country in Romanian national colors (red, yellow and blue). His plans were sabotaged by the D.A. alliance, which painted the country in orange and more recently in brown. Liquid brown.
He recently bought some land on which he started bulding a prison for the romanian mafia octopus. Truth is that he does not use this term as a metaphor, but rather literally - since childhood he considered himself harassed by a 30-foot mobster octopus that goes by the name of Zuzu. Vadim inaugurated the construction site by eating a hungarian baby, whole, in one bite. The audience (Greater Romania Party members) was shocked since he sprinkled the baby with paprika, probably a sign of future reconcilement with the hungarian people. Rumours are that it also may have been a kosher hungarian baby.
WCT is in permanent need of Valium and Rudotel in order for him to function correctly. Often when he appears on TV he forgets to take his medicine and do his daily cold shower and electroshok treatment thus starting to show mild symptons such as sore throat, wishing black magic on the prezident, controling the population with an UZI. Some major symptoms include antisemitism and devotion to God. His favorite catchphrases during his common siesuers are: Eliminate the mafia and the thieves of the country; MEDICINE; death to hungarians, blacks, jews, gays, gypsies.
[modifică] Adrian Nastase, aka Matusha Tamara
A long time descendant of the Tartasesti UFO Area, distinguished public figure and politician, appointed Chief of Senate,Minister of Foreign Affairs and Prime Minister. Other key-assignments were that of "Hopa Mitica,sunati acum la 0800900XXX si castigati pe loc un fierbator de cafea " (eq to bureau official grade 3-without phD ), "Delegat Special pe langa Ciubota-Nespalata-Cu-Papusa-Gonflabila Gravida!!,zisa si Marea-Poarta -cu tiribombe-care-fac-nudism -in timp- ce se spala-pe dinti!! (eq to bureau official grade 2-pursuing phD), and finnaly- "Asul din Maneca,Adevaratul Copil Minune " (eq to bureau official grade 1-with phD).
Sometimes featured as Bombonel , or Adelu he is one of the most influential political figures in Romania over the past 15 years.Seemingly he likes spreading pussy,swapping cum and taking it deep anal from his fellow buddies like hoascabatrana,criptocommunist-ul Ion Iliescu,aka bunicuta ; Manivelu and also with Prostanacu, a custom and politicall habit called tandem ,or just simply ciolan .
The Romanian Press and Media has acknowledged Bombonelu`s coherent, decisive tackle on corruption and double moral standards that impose themselves as threats not only for a youthfull,consolidated democracy like Romania,but also upon countries with well established,centuries-enduring democracies .It can be simply reinstated,with a joyfull heartbeat by every citizen of Romania: muielafraieri (social responsability ) and miserupe (direct action) .
Well,this could also be asserted as a central theme of the full of accomplishments (realizari glorioase) of the 2000-2004 PSD government : Cornul(pt mine) plus Laptele(pt voi) ,makes Cornul si Laptele(you dumbasses).
By that recent times ,everything flourished ,from the widespread freedom of the press, in a sense that such rates even Ceausescu have had ever gained; benefits,life standards could be so well be described by such marvellous words as pupincurism (happinnes) and lins in cur (welfare) ,from the so well administered party-state (of mind ) PSD .
Meaningless allegations that Adelu was involved into supporting gypsies claims were whispered , but couldn`t be showed off since there were in fact "jeep seats"involved ,in the whole issue,and other mertane. Other wood-living creatures didn`t get so lucky though (no,not Burebista or Stefan cel Mare,they are pressumedly long gone and missing in action, and for certain not even Ion Iliescu-mai,animalule (heya dude,wat`s up! ) ,but simply a pair of "prepelita" (rare bird residing in the Delta Dunarii area, where it performs unbelievable lesbian sex with other birds,and even with "batlani" and "gugustiuci" ),that unfortunately ended as the center point of some grill-party.
Granted with a renowned sense of politics ,due to his succesfull formation as a diplomat, and with a energetic vision of the future,Adelu possesses all the assets to make a succesfull,if not revengefull comeback over Traian Basescu`s electoral win, a certified fraud called the orange revolution: the helpful tatucu (even tataie) Image of Ion Iliescu upon the well respected and hardworking citizens of Moldova and Intorsura Buzaului,and the lovely munca de teren (corporate planning) of such dedicated individuals of Octav Cozmanca,that would simply demolish any other opponent , even Gigi Becali . His famous quote is "Din partea mea puteti sa-mi numarati ouale" ("You can count my eggs")
[modifică] Adrian Cioroianu
Mythical figure of romanian folklore, Adrian Cioroianu is known for its aggresive stance against all evil. Powerful and cultivated, charming and mannered, Adrian Cioroianu's "Dialogues of my time" autobiographic writing makes a strong statement in today's word. Excerpts here
[modifică] See also
Bucharest Caracal University_Politehnica_of_Bucharest Dracula Nadia
