Moldova
De la Neciclopedie
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“Very Nice”
~ Valentin Castravet on Moldova
“In Soviet Moldova, cold catches YOU !!”
~ Russian Reversal on Moldova
“I once met a Moldovian. I was immediately blinded with stupidity”
~ Ray Charles on Moldova
Moldova is a modern Empire which doesn't recognise the independence of Romania. The name was stolen by Moldovans from Romanian Moldova Principality.
[modifică] Economy
The economy of Moldova is being measured in Goat Domestic Product which is currently 7, although the Prime Minister doubts the statistical validity of the study. He claims the Cow Domestic Product should be added in, as well as the Sheep Domestic Product.
In the past Moldova used to cultivate grapes, however all grapes grown in Moldova are currently sour, lacking the sun that shines only over the prosperous Tiraspol.
In present year of 2007, Moldovan economy recorded record agro-industrial output of three vegetables and one fruit. Minister for Agricultural Output for the Republic of Moldova, Vasile Pingu, applauded collective farm 12 for exceeding production quota and awarded state distinctions sincere. Minister for Agricultural Output for the Republic of Moldova, Vasile Pingu, announced that production quotas now so high that European Union wishes to join Republic of Moldova in integrationist confederation of agro-industrial nations to facilitate economic flourishment.
- For Sale: Republic of Moldova, call me 0690070xx
[modifică] People
[modifică] Noi, Românii, strămoşi ai tuturor popoarelor latine !
M-am intrebat de multe ori care este motorul schimbarilor pozitive intr-o societate si trebuie sa recunosc ca de cele mai multe ori sunt tinerii care refuza sa accepte un adevar relativ, mincinos, contestabil. Ei sunt cei ce nu sunt legati de interese politice ori religioase de moment, ei sunt cei ce cauta un adevar absolut. Deci pe ei ii indemn sa-si intrebe profesorii de istorie si de limba romana: Cat la suta din Dacia a fost cucerita de romani ? Si daca profesorul stie raspunsul: 14 % din teritoriul Daciei (care se intindea de la vest la est, de la lacul Constanta-Elvetia de azi si pana dincolo de Nipru).Urmeaza alta intrebare: Cati ani au ocupat romanii acei 14% din teritoriul Daciei ? Si daca profesorul va raspunde : numai 164 de ani, atunci puteti merge la urmatoarea intrebare: Soldatii ‘romani’ chiar veneau de la Roma si chiar erau fluenti in limba latina? Aici le va fi si mai greu sa va raspunda, caci acei soldati ‘romani’ vorbeau orice limba numai latina nu ! Cohortele aflate pe pamantul Daciei cuprindeau soldati din diferite parti ale imperiului roman, uneori foarte indepartate. Gasim Britani din Anglia de azi, Asturi si Lusitanieni din peninsula Iberica, Bosporeni din nordul Marii Negre, Antiocheni din regiunile Antiochiei, Ubi de la Rin , din partile Coloniei, Batavi de la gurile acestui fluviu, Gali din Galia, Reti din partile Austriei si Germaniei sudice de azi, Comageni din Siria, pana si Numizi si Mauri din nordul Africii ( C.C.Giurescu, Istoria Romanilor, I, 1942,p.130).Si ultima intrebare: cum a fost posibil ca intr-un asa de scurt interval istoric TOATA populatia Daciei sa-si uite limba si sa invete o limba noua, limba latina , de la niste soldati ‘romani’ care nici ei nu o vorbeau ? Cand toate popoarele civilizate din lume initiaza, desfasoara si promoveaza valorile istorice care le indreptatesc sa fie mandre de inaintasii lor, gasim opinia unor astfel de ‘adevarati romani’, care, nici mai mult, nici mai putin, spun despre formarea poporului daco-roman: ’soldatii romani au adus femeile si fetele dace in paturile lor si asa s-au nascut generatii de copii, care invatau numai limba latina de la tatal lor, soldatul ‘roman’… Cum or fi venit ele din Moldova de azi, din Basarabia, de pe Nistru, Bug si de pe Nipru, acele sotii si fete de traco-geti si carpi, de la sute si sute de kilometrii departare ca sa fie ‘fecundate’ de soldatii ‘romani’? Dupa parerea stimabililor, femeile daco-gete erau si ‘curve’, ba chiar si mute, nefiind in stare sa-si transmita limba stramoseasca copiilor lor! Cit despre noi, urmasii lor, cum ne-am putea numi altfel decat ‘copii din flori’ aparuti dintr-o aventura amoroasa a intregii populatii feminine dacico-gete, la care masculii autohtoni priveau cu ‘mandrie’, asteptand aparitia ’samburilor’ noului popor si grabindu-se, intre timp, sa invete cit mai repede si mai bine noua limba, limba latina, cand de la sotii, cand de la fiicele lor (iubite ale soldatilor romani cuceritori) ba chiar si direct, de la soldatii romani navalitori ce le-au injosit caminele… La Centrul Cultural Roman, pe data de 26 octombrie 1999, am aflat de la o alta somitate, de origine romana, prof.dr. in arheologie Ioan Pisso, ca dacii au invatat latina, de la romani, prin baile de la Sarmisegetusa lui Traian! De ce prin baile romane si de la niste soldati cam fara haine pe ei? Nu prea stiu ce a vrut sa spuna stimabilul profesor din Cluj despre barbatii daci, dar cred ca nici un roman, nici macar in joaca, nu are voie sa faca o astfel de afirmatie decat daca… de fapt tot dansii ne spun ca ne tragem din ‘doi barbati cu… ‘brate tari’ ! ‘Cind sub Traian romanii au cucerit pe daci La Sarmi-seget - usa n-au trebuit talmaci, afirma Densusanu si asta totul schimba, Deci, dacii si romanii vorbeau aceiasi limba !’Daca astazi se considera ca 95% din cunostintele acumulate de omenire sunt obtinute in ultimii 50 de ani, sa vedem cum si notiunile noastre despre istoria poporului daco-roman pot evolua. Cind nu de mult s-a publicat teoria evolutiei speciei umane in functie de vechimea cromozomala, s-a ajuns la concluzia ca ‘prima femeie’ a aparut in sud-estul Africii. Urmatorul pas urias a fost in nordul Egiptului, iar de aici, in Peninsula Balcanica. Astfel de declaratii ‘ istorice’ te fac sa-ti doresti sa fii orice, numai roman nu ! ‘Domnilor, Dacia a fost cotropita de romani in proportie de numai 14% si pentru o perioada istorica foarte scurta, de 164 de ani. 86% din teritoriul Daciei nu a fost calcat de picior de legionar roman. Este greu de crezut ca intr-o asa de scurta perioada istorica, dacii sa fi invatat latina , fara ca pe 86% din teritoriul lor sa-i fi intilnit pe soldatii romani. Dar daca nu de la romani au invatat dacii latina , atunci de la cine? - se intreaba aceeasi demni urmasi ai lui Traian? Herodot ne spune ca, cel mai numeros neam din lume, dupa indieni, erau tracii. Iar Dio Casius ne spune si el: ’sa nu uitam ca Traian a fost un trac veritabil. Luptele dintre Traian si Decebal au fost razboaie fraticide, iar Tracii au fost Daci’. Faptul ca dacii vorbeau ‘ latina vulgara’, este ‘un secret’ pe care nu-l stiu numai cei ce refuza sa-l stie. Cind profesoara de arheologie lingvistica Marija Gimbutas, de la Universitatea din Los Angeles, California, a inceput sa vorbeasca despre spatiul Carpato-Dunarean ca despre vatra vechii Europe, locul de unde Europa a inceput sa existe, am fost placut surprins si m-am asteptat ca si istoricii nostri sa reactioneze la fel. Dar, din partea lor am auzit numai tacere. Cind profesorii Leon E. Stover si Bruce Kraig in cartea ‘The Indo-European heritage’, aparuta la Nelson-Hall Inc., Publishers, 325 West Jackson Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois 60606, vorbesc la pagina 25 despre Vechea Europa a mileniului 5 i.d.H., care-si avea locul in centrul Romaniei de azi, sa nu fim mindri? Cand studiile de arheologie moleculara ne indreptatesc sa ne situam pe primul plan in Europa ca vechime, nu-mi este usor sa le raspund unor persoane care nu citesc nici ceea ce spun inteligent altii despre noi si nici macar ce scriu eu. Studii impecabile cromozomale, la nivel de mitocondrie, folosind PCR (polimerase chain reaction) , pot determina originea materna a unor mumii vechi de sute si mii de ani. Teoria genoamelor situeaza spatiul carpato-dunarean ca fiind, nici mai mult nici mai putin decat, locul de unde a inceput Europa sa existe, locul unde acum 44.000 de ani sosisera primele 3 Eve si primul Adam… Cand am scris ‘Epopeea Poporului Carpato-Dunarean’ , si volumele ‘Noi nu sintem urmasii Romei’, ‘In cautarea istoriei pierdute’ si ‘Calatorie in Dacia - tara Zeilor’, m-am bazat pe astfel de cercetari, dar si pe cartea unei somitati in domeniul preistoriei Europei, D-l V. Gordon Childe, professor la Universitatea din Oxford, Anglia, caruia I se publica, in anul 1993, la Barnes & Noble Books, New York, ‘The History of Civilization’ , ‘ The Aryans’. El exploreaza intr-un mod fascinant originea si difuzarea limbilor in Europa preistorica. Intre paginile 176-177 publica si o harta aratind leaganul aryenilor in timpul primei lor aparitii: si minune mare, spatial Carpato-Dunrean este cel vizat ! Cand roata, plugul, jugul, caruta cu doua, trei si patru roti apar pentru prima data in lume pe teritoriul nostru, dacic, cand primul mesaj scris din istoria omenirii se gaseste tot pe teritoriul nostru, la Tartaria , cand primii fermieri din Europa sunt descrisi pe acelasi spatiu, intr-o perioada cind Anglia abia se separa de continent si din peninsula devenea insula - 6,500 i.d.H., (vezi John North, ‘A new interpretation of prehistoric man and the cosmos’, 1996, Harper Collins Publishers, 1230 Avenue of Americas, New York, 10020, Chronology), nu-ti vine a crede ca tocmai cei pentru care aduni aceste informatii formidabile despre poporul si spatiul pe care il ocupa tara noastra, te deceptioneza ! Nu de mult, la Primul Congres International de Dacologie, Bucuresti, hotel Intercontinental, domnul profesor doctor in istorie Augustin Deac ne vorbea despre ‘Codex Rohonczy’, o cronica daco-romaneasca, insumand 448 pagini, scrisa in limba romana arhaica, ‘latina vulgara’, cu alfabet geto-dac. Pe fiecare pagina se aflau scrise circa 9-14 randuri. In text sunt intercalate 86 de miniaturi executate cu pana, care prezinta diferite scene laice si religioase. Directia scrierii este de la dreapta la stinga si textul se citeste de jos in sus. Descoperim ca in bisericele vechi, daco-romanesti, cultul ortodox se exercita in limba ‘latina vulgara’, chiar pana in secolele XII-XIII, cand s-a trecut la oficierea cultului in limbile greaca si slavona. Codexul cuprinde mai multe texte, ca ‘Juramantul tinerilor vlahi’, diferite discursuri rostite in fata ostasilor vlahi inaintea luptelor cu migratorii pecenegi, cumani, unguri. O cronica privind viata voievodului Vlad, care a condus Vlahia intre anii 1046-1091, Imnul victoriei vlahilor, condusi de Vlad asupra pecenegilor, insotit de note muzicale etc. Atunci se mira si se intreaba, pe buna dreptate, Domnul professor doctor in istorie Augustin Deac: ‘de ce institutele de specialitate ale Academiei Romane au ramas pasive la descoperirea si descifrarea acestui document istoric, scris in limba daco-romana, latina dunareana, intr-un alfabet geto-dacic existent de milenii, cu mult inaintea celui latin al romanilor ?’ Dar, dupa orientarea ideologica ce o au, cei sus amintiti ar fi preferat ca acest diamant sa nu se fi descoperit. Academia Romana ar fi trebuit sa organizeze o mare sesiune stiintifica cu caracter nu numai national, cat mai ales international. Dar si ei, la fel ca si ‘romanii adevarati’, vajnicii urmasi ai lui Traian, vor sa arate omenirii ce inseamna sa fii umil si sa-ti dispretuiesti stramosii, trecutul si neamul… Faptul ca NOI, Romanii, suntem stramosii tuturor popoarelor latine si nicidecum o ruda marginala a latinitatii, ar trebui sa ne faca sa ne mandrim si nicidecum sa cautam contra argumente, precum cei lipsiti de intelepciune care isi taie cu sarg craca de sub picioare…
Cu deosebita stima, Dr. Napoleon Savescu, Fondator & Presedinte al ‘Dacia Revival International Society of New York’,
- )Alelx
[modifică] Current state of affairs
Moldova is worldwide famous for being the only country with two currencies, three official flags, borders inside the country and 3 presidents - all of them elected democratically. Right!!!!!... ;)This and not only is an indicator of high democratic values in order to express the true will of the people.
Undoubtedly, Andrei Bolocan is the ugliest man alive! (unfortunately, he died last tuesday in a dog-crash and hearing his troll..erm..."son" had died from food poisoning after recently being fed cow manure. Andrei claims that it was dog food).
[modifică] Flag
Flag of Moldova is not presented here due to violation of copyright. It is the same as the flag of Romania with photo of unknown pedophile (Octavian Blaj) in the center. This photo is sometimes claimed to be moldavian coat of arms.There also have been attempts to steal Romanian anthem, however due to international cataclysm caused by this unthinkable act of aggression the Moldovans had to look forward to “Their Tongue”.
[modifică] Geography
Moldova is bordering the Atlantic Ocean to East and the Pacific to the West, being a multinational secular state with respect to all national minorities - these have recently been allowed to go in public without a blue hat. But still women can not vote during the Eurovision song contest.
Nevertheless, except krAjder, aGurcik (most success bussiness woman in Moldova, made 50bani (0.01pence) in one year for prostitituting to babboons!), Gnilka(russia's spy in Moldova), Tsugurt (hot girl < Right!!!! ;) but she not for sale (too hideous), Buddha and The CIKI group, there are no more relevant Moldovans left in world. Andrei Bolocan is too ugly to be part of the top. He is overwhelmingly out of the competition. A blind man recently had has vision restored and died instantly of chronic diarrhea after he saw Andrei's face.
Note: Andrei Bolocan, alias bolo, alias bula cu p, is a national political leader, having his Master in Ancestral Distortions, with a PhD in geomegafracturational fecundation. He is famous for his newly published book, called "Buddha and other Moldavian economical minorities". He not for sale as well. We preserve him and proud of him: lowest IQ and ugliest man in the world in the world.
Iekshimesh.
[modifică] People
You may consider yourself Moldovan if:
All of your acquaintances have relatives that work abroad illegally.
Eating spaghetti with bread is absolutely normal!
You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes.
You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though you are 300 kilos overweight and have a stroke every time you breathe.
You and your friends have at least once been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for sexually abusing the waiter.
You (or your parents) have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
Your mom ever chased you with a rolling pin or a broom telling you to stop so that she could hit you.
Getting married at 99 is normal.
It is legal for you to get married at 16, but illegal to smoke, drink and watch porn until 18.
Going above 40, you start awaiting death.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or meet you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
If! you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
It's "normal" if your wedding party has some 800 people.
When a woman asks "do you love me?" you usually answer: "Whats wrong with you?" (shi cu tini fa?)
But it is enough to go around the city and you definitely meet an old buddy you have not seen for years!
You have written at least one poem!
You have experienced the art of drinking wine from a bucket - and not only once!
Drinking one pot of wine for lunch is considered normal. Every family member must drink wine - from 2 year old to 99.
You are convinced that red wine is the only (or at least the best) protection against radiation - the more you have, the more protected! And able to back it with scientific facts…
Most of your friendships are established (as well as broken) because of alcohol. The more long-lasting the friendship - the worse for your health.
And this is why you will never succeed in business - too many friends.
Establishing useful as well as useless "connections" - even future eventual ones, is really a national sports.
Not liking someone makes him/her automatically a stupid person… at best!
Same haircut, same dress code for 40 years is absolutely acceptable for men.
Cultural relativism is a concept you will never agree to understand - who was this Geert Hofstede guy anyway? Of corse not a Moldovan! :p
You can probably find a proverb or saying for almost any situation in life.
Although supposed to be bilingual from "birth" (Romanian and Russian), some barely speak properly any of the languages… probably somewhere in between.
You have mastered the art of bargaining in grocery shopping.
You walk out of the grocery store with no less then two packed shopping carts weekly.
[modifică] Heroes
Stefan cel Mare or Stephen the Great is a well known warrior of Moldova in 15th Century.
The other great historical figure is Corina AJDER, who burned herself to death after Buddha was engraved on the Moldavian national currency. She is believed to have been a Mason and to have practiced erotism with steel remains.
Other National Heroes: Andrei BOLOCAN - the sexiest man alive. Andrei LutENCo - the most talented black rapper worldwide. Vladimir Voronin - cel mai batran cioroi in viatza.... vacutza @forum.md - cel mai cautat om de catre politie. Dinu Lipatti Zaharia Stancu
