Joshua Jackpot

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„It's people like this who give identity fraud a bad name!”

~ Oscar Wilde către Joshua Jackpot

„This kid called Joshua.”

~ Captain Obvious către Joshua Jackpot

„In Soviet Russia, jack pots YOU!!!

~ Russian Reversal către Joshua Jackpot

„And here's one I made earlier”

~ Peter Blue către quick-and-easy scene kids

„pshahhh, he's such a wannabe fake rly. I hope he goes back to emo land and cuts himself L.O.L.”

~ Superman către identity fraud

„he called us 'teh sex' <3”

~ Enter Shikari către Joshua Jackpot

„tbph, when people say, 'Oh, Josh, wanna hang?' I just cba. tbph atm imo tehy r gheys. lol, emz and bexarr agree with me. ZOMGAZZZ I <3 ME!!!""£!"!!!!!!”

~ Joshua Jackpot către himself

„LOOOOLZ I RLY DOOO!!!!!$%%^!!!pmsl!!11;;!!!”

~ Joshua Jackpot către himself

„ASDFGHJKL;”

~ Joshua Jackpot către himself

„And I said, 'If I wasn't so scared of being a Michael Jackson, I'd have sex with this boy.'”

~ Pete Wentz către Joshua Jackpot

„How many boxes can you fit in a cat?”

~ Steve 'STEEEEV' Jobs


JJ himself[modificare]

Could this be Joshua Jackpot?

The emo-turned-scene-kid, Joshua Jackpot (sometimes known as 'Jacpot' for short), is most famous for his 2013 autobiography, 'Zero to Ghey', in which he revealed all the truth about his life as a goat seller. This book shot him to the lowest of the low, as it turned out to be a Maths textbook in disguise, something the entire Emo/Goth/Malawian/Scene community took immediate offence to, as it is common knowledge that Maths is like having blood-free wrists, but one hundred times worse.

Nevertheless, Joshua Jackpot is revered as a higher God than J.K. Rowling himself.



Humble Beginnings[modificare]

Could THIS be Joshua Jackpot?

Jackpot was born before the birth of time, as a warrior-house-elf with 9 types of iPod built in to his disgrace of a foot. He grew up a peaceful lad, and his parents always made sure they were feeding him lots of sugar to make his disgrace of a foot drop off. This never happened.








The Incident[modificare]

After listening to some Panic! At The Disco, Jackpot realised life just couldn't get much worse. He hated life. He hated himself. He hated his parents. He hated his sister. He hated his brother. He hated his friends. He hated his teachers. He hated his MP. He hated his prime minister. He hated TV people. He hated film people. He hated all people. And he especially hated McFly.

Then he turned emo.

COULD THIS be Joshua Jackpot??1*??


„OMGAAAAZZZ, NO!”

~ Oscar Wilde către the horrific turn of events just described


Oh my gaaaazzz, yes.


„In Soviet Russia, emo turns YOU!!!

~ Russian Reversal către hell


The Shining (not the film)[modificare]

TUNE IN LATER TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR CAPED CRUSADER, BATMAN!

or just read a book like a normal little nerd.