What I Didn't Know about Romania

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Versiunea din 24 aprilie 2007 03:12, autor: 69.244.100.25 (Discuție) (→‎You Know You're Romanian When...)
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This article is part of the What I Didn't Know about Romania series.
Stema romaniei rl.gif


Welcome to the What I Didn't Know about Romania series, compiled from a collection of articles about Romania. See also:



It's not funny you dumbass


Other activities

Mintrubbing

(see here mintrubbing)

Ciordeala

Ciordeala is the noun for the verb "a ciordi" which means to steal, to jack. Ciordeala is a national sport practiced every day and every night by 90% of the population of Romania (10% are the ones that does not integrate in society). There are various forms for "ciordeala" and those who don't practice "ciordeala" practice for sure other sports like "manareala":

1. Jacking your people and the economy - is the exclusive attribute of the government and other structures. The leaders are also known as "Dinosaurs" and include Miron Mitrea, Ion Iliescu, Rodica Stanoiu, Dan Ioan Popescu, Pajiste (brainless zombie) and other members of the structures. Punishment - They are forced to transfer all the stolen money outside the country (ouch!!!!)

2. Stealing from your neighbour - most preferred are goods like chicken or horseshit. Punishment - at least 3 years time. (compare with no. 1)

3. Corporate jacking - you act like you work, they act like they pay you. - aka "stealing your own hat" (sa-ti furi singur caciula)

4. Others - American style (bank robbing and shit), Gipsy style (ciordeala in the bus, in the tube etc.), etc etc etc (Romanian people are very inventive so the list goes on)

5. Romanians also like taking advantage of the inferior race called Americans... Example: Getting money from stupid American credit card owner or selling aircraft on eBay to intelligent Americans that think this deal is real...

The other form ( and more advanced)of " ciordeala" is what a group of men are doing with a rifle,"pump-action" and other scary guns.This men are also named "racheti" and are originaly from Moldova (U.R.S.S.-United Russian Simple Shit).They are organized in a group with various names such as: "turma","haita"...Their actions emulate those of Robin Hood but in a more chaotic fashion.They steal from anyone and don't give anything to anybody. They are sometimes called "fratii nostri de peste Prut" ("Our brothers from over the Prut river" - The Prut is the river that divides Romania from the Republic of Moldavia). So if you plan on visiting Romania you must carry a rocket-launcher or come with an Apache helicopter. From us, best regards!Please visit us!!We have bullets to spend on your "gheaba"(your back part of the body).

And you should know that the government is punishing CIORDEALA very hard. Because they hate to have competitors.

Driving

Romania is a world with absolutely no speed limits. It's a country full of Michael Schumachers Valentino Rossis, and Tudor Fils. The only rule is: there are no rules and only the best survives.

Romanian drivers are not superstitious, they don't believe in signs (road-signs), or working brakes, so you better not be a pedestrian (they're not superstitious either, but i never heard of a pedestrian smashing into a vehicle, only the opposite).

If you try to switch lanes don't EVER give a signal, you will only let the others know what you want to do so they can block you. Just switch the lane and give the signal after (so the Garcea officer can see you tried at least). It is because of this wreckless driving that many of them find jobs as pizza-delivery guys in North America, as they are most efficient in following the "30-minutes or it's free" policy.

When Romanian drivers immigrate to North America, their favourite car is a white mid-90's Ford Taurus. Romanian drivers have the unusual habit of slowing down when they see a white vehicle parked on the roadside (even more so if the words "ECILOP"/"AITILOP" are written on it).

If you see a driver with his neck on the steering wheel... well... it's not HIS neck, it's HER neck. Watch out... women don't switch lanes, they just drive on both of them at the same time... to make sure they don't hit something on the roadside (which they do anyway, cuz they will have to park the car eventualy). If you see a car parked by an angle of more than 30` to the sidewalk, you can be sure SHE did it.

Don't try to tell someone (driver or pedestrian) he's wrong. You will be overwhelmed with sorryies from the person you corrected. Words like: "Baga-mi-as picioarele in gura ta!" (translation: May you walk in peace), "Faaaa, asta calca, nu fute!" (translation: I'm very sorry for any inconvenience), "O sa te fac, ba!" (popular invocation used by manelists in their songs that express supreme regret), "Labagiule!" (Romania is full of ecologist that always try to raise their number in the cult named "The Pow", in romanian "laba", thus they frequent yell and call each other with this appelative). As you can see, there are many forms of telling someone you're really sorry and you may be stalled for a couple of minutes by the polite driver/pedestrian - that's why it is not a good ideea to tell someone he's wrong if you are in a hurry. However, there is an option if you are really on the run: you can indicate with the middle finger raised up that you don't have time to listen to his regret, but you accept his sorries.

Another Romanian driving habbit is to listen to a loud and distorded form of music called manele. It is said to endow the driver with ultra-high reflexes and a loose mouth(slobod la gura).

Another form of enlightement is talking on the cell phone while driving. This helps the driver concentrate on the road. The cell phone is usualy accompanied by a cigarette bought from the "bisnitari" (a form of highly sophisticated tradesmen), though nobody knows how the steering of the car actualy takes place in this condition.

Romania is also the only country in the world where you can see a horse or donkey-driven carriage next to a Porsche Cayenne. If you think that carriages are ugly, you don't have to worry about seeing them at night, because they have absolutely no lights whatsoever. Some models have sophisticated cabins made of an old car, fitted with a steering wheel, cassette player and even a alarm. (But no lights!)

Also here in Romania is very TARANESC - "Tzaranesc - Something really cool, but pretty basic, in order to be understandable by the peasants" - to put neon lights under your car, even if by that you double the value of the car.

Also you can meet various forms of home made aillerons - even made from wood and painted in a different colour than the car - that should improve handling performances of the car (even if the car would reach 70 km/h only down the hill with the wind blowing from behind), and they are usualy combined with that strange form of music combined with very much noise and special distortion from car speakers - very low price combined with "good quality" - MANELE.

Nowadays is a must to have a sticker on your car as a proof of your tuning ... RIEGER, ZENDER are very common... and some white stripes (Viper Style stripes). If u have all the above and you don't have some extra lights on your car than all your work has been in vain. For that purpose you can use lighbulbs designed for home use, leftover Xmas lights etc.

The heigh of elegance for a car is to have curtains and a dog in the rear window bouncing his head. Also if you don't wear a couple of big fake-gols bracelets on both hands, and very big rings - "GHIULURI" (also something TARANESC; they are hand made by nomad gypsies from at least half a kilo of gold, in unique models that look very stylish), there's a great chance that a guy with a strange looking uniform, driving the car marked with ECILOP/AITILOP on the hood, will stop you and ask you for SHPAGA. And you should know that GHIULURI must be combined with at least two golden teeth - fitted in a very very visible place in your mouth so everybody can see how rich you are.

A new rule for some special romanian drivers... if u have a Logan car (basically this is a tuna fish can with some stupid wheels) you can drive on the middle of the road... and try to stop others from passing you. Ambulances and other emergency cars must never be allowed to pass you... If you make a mistake and someone tells you that, you just use your middle finger to say you're sorry... even if you know that you are a looser and someday you will be beaten for this smart and kind gesture...

Driving In Bucharest

easy steps :

- if the street is full, drive on sidewalk

- if the sidewalk is full, go on the local river (Dambovitza) - it has 3 speed lines

- you always have priority, regardless of situation. Don't worry, the signs are only for horse carriages.

- if you're lost, ask a local to show you the way. Hint: always take the opposite dirrection.

- if you are getting stopped by street police due to traffic misconduct, tell them your uncle is a senator or bribe them (from 20 PULA to 150 PULA, don't give them coaie, depends on what rule you broke)

- all pedestrians may cross anywhere, even if the traffic light is red (Note: if you have more than 60 years, it is a obligativity to cross on the red light)

- if you are waiting for some pedestrians to cross the street at the street crossing, it is polite to start a conversation (as you'll have plenty of time) - for example:

  • if one of the pedestrians is a man and he has burried his hands inside his jeans pockets, you could say something like "Bai, scoate mainile din buzunar ca-ti mananca pula unghiile." which means "Yes sir, you can never be too careful around this neighborhood - a lot of thieves are after your "pula" (money)."
  • if one of the pedestrians is a woman, you can start a conversation by saying something like "Fa, misca-te mai repede ca masina asta calca, nu fute!" which means "Hi! I'll be glad to give you a lift!".

- these are not the only rules of driving in Bucharest - if you're not careful while driving in Bucuresti, you might get a mooje muie.

- if the traffic light is green - speed up before it turns to red, if the traffic light is yellow - pretend that you don't see the color and if the light is red - you must accelerate before the other drivers have the chance to put their cars on the move.

- and last but certainly not least, you can't be a propper romanian driver if you can't swear propperly. and you definitely can't be a bucharest driver without being able to swear for 30 minutes without repeating yourself.

p.s :no drivers in bucharest are locals,all locals drive in the Danube Delta,proud home of Bird Flu

You Know You're Romanian When...

You grew up on liver sandwiches.... and thought that was normal.
You make your own noodles.
Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.
All your children have nick names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
You know someone with 20 kids
You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
You can fit 10 people into a Dacia.
Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can... it mysteriously appears back where it was again.
You have lace curtains.
You have lace tablecloths.
You have rugs covering every inch of your house.
You have or had rugs on your walls.
Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight.
You ever heard of 'stomach stew'.
You have curtains hanging across every doorway.
Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what other 'frati' and 'surori' will think.
You know someone that married his girlfriend of 2 months.
Your mom is a doctor and force feeds you medicine for anything ranging from a headache, stomach ache to a stubbed toe.
Your house is full of Romanian medicine that is probably illegal here.
You and your friends have ever been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for being too loud or rowdy.
Your mom recycles plastic cups and paper plates, and sandwich bags by washing them.
You dont know how to use a dishwasher.
You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table (musama).
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
Your dad ever butchered a pig or lamb.
You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (Got free with some household items).
Your parents call you farm animals when you get them mad.
Your mom ever chased you with a rolling pin or a broom telling you to stop so that she could hit you.
Your dad ever told you to smack yourself over the mouth for being disrespectful.
You're twenty years old and your parents are trying to send you to Romoville to get you married cause your old.
Getting married at 18 is normal.
Getting married at 16 actually happens.
Your mom washes your clothing at 40.
A new tax being passed by the government is simply a cover up because the end of the world is really coming.
Asking if you can get a discount at a discount store on clearance items is normal and not embarrassing for your parents.
You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
You bought a cell phone for your parents and have to re-teach them how to use it regularely - and they keep telling you from time to time that "there is a small enevelope on the screen"
You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them away from getting dirty.
It's "normal" if your wedding has 600 people. (and half of them you've never even seen, but they're related to you somehow eg.cuscra lu' cumatra leana matusa lu a mica sora lu unchiu' fane a lu marioara de la tara)
You dont know half the people at your wedding cuz your parents invited them.
You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.
You have mastered the art of bargaining in grocery shopping.
You want BERE 24/7 !
You burp after every meal you have!
You fart twice a week, on Wednesday and Friday, because you have eaten beans('fasole')!
You shit in public toilets('veceuri'),and don't flush water,whatsoever.
More so,you piss outside the public toilets.
You love pickles