What I Didn't Know about Romania: Diferență între versiuni

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Message to the above: You're a real tough/smart -ass when you're behind the keyboard, I bet.
 
Message to the above: You're a real tough/smart -ass when you're behind the keyboard, I bet.
 
 
 
 
 
==Other activities==
 
 
 
 
===Mintrubbing===
 
(see here [[mintrubbing]])
 
 
===Ciordeala===
 
=))
 
 
Ciordeala is the noun for the verb "a ciordi" which means to steal, to jack. Ciordeala is a national sport practiced every day and every night. There are various forms for "ciordeala" and those who don't practice "ciordeala" practice for sure other sports like "manareala":
 
 
1. Jacking your people and the economy - is the exclusive attribute of the government and other structures. The leaders are also known as "Dinosaurs" and include Miron Mitrea, Ion Iliescu, Rodica Stanoiu, Dan Ioan Popescu, Pajiste (brainless zombie) and other members of the structures. Punishment - They are forced to transfer all the stolen money outside the country (ouch!!!!)
 
 
2. Stealing from your neighbour - most preferred are goods like chicken or horseshit. Punishment - at least 3 years time. (compare with no. 1)
 
 
3. Corporate jacking - you act like you work, they act like they pay you. - aka "stealing your own hat" (sa-ti furi singur caciula)
 
 
4. Others - American style (bank robbing and shit), Gipsy style (ciordeala in the bus, in the tube etc.), etc etc etc (Romanian people are very inventive so the list goes on)
 
 
5. Romanians also like taking advantage of the inferior race called Americans...
 
Example: Getting money from stupid American credit card owner or selling aircraft on eBay to intelligent Americans that think this deal is real...
 
 
The other form ( and more advanced)of " ciordeala" is what a group of men are doing with a rifle,"pump-action" and other scary guns.This men are also named "racheti" and are originaly from Moldova (U.R.S.S.-United Russian Simple Shit).They are organized in a group with various names such as: "turma","haita"...Their actions emulate those of Robin Hood but in a more chaotic fashion.They steal from anyone and don't give anything to anybody.
 
They are sometimes called "fratii nostri de peste Prut" ("Our brothers from over the Prut river" - The Prut is the river that divides Romania from the Republic of Moldavia). So if you plan on visiting Romania you must carry a rocket-launcher or come with an Apache helicopter. From us, best regards!Please visit us!!Your cars are already here, anyway.
 
 
And you should know that the government is punishing CIORDEALA very hard. Because they hate to have competitors.
 
 
===Driving===
 
 
Romania is a world with absolutely no speed limits. It's a country full of [[Michael Schumacher]]s [[Valentino Rossi]]s, and Tudor Fils. The only rule is: there are no rules and only the best survives.
 
Romanian drivers are not superstitious, they don't believe in signs (road-signs), or working brakes, so you better not be a pedestrian (they're not superstitious either, but i never heard of a pedestrian smashing into a vehicle, only the opposite).
 
If you try to switch lanes don't EVER give a signal, you will only let the others know what you want to do so they can block you. Just switch the lane and give the signal after (so the Garcea officer can see you tried at least). It is because of this wreckless driving that many of them find jobs as pizza-delivery guys in North America, as they are most efficient in following the "30-minutes or it's free" policy.
 
When Romanian drivers immigrate to North [[America]], their favourite car is a white mid-90's Ford Taurus.
 
Romanian drivers have the unusual habit of slowing down when they see a white vehicle parked on the roadside (even more so if the words "ECILOP"/"AITILOP" are written on it).
 
If you see a driver with his neck on the steering wheel... well... it's not HIS neck, it's HER neck. Watch out... [[women]] don't switch lanes, they just drive on both of them at the same time... to make sure they don't hit something on the roadside (which they do anyway, cuz they will have to park the car eventualy). If you see a car parked by an angle of more than 30` to the sidewalk, you can be sure SHE did it.
 
Don't try to tell someone (driver or pedestrian) he's wrong. You'll get to hear a lot of words referring to reproductive organs and close relatives or even get a physical correction!
 
Another Romanian driving habbit is to listen to a loud and distorded form of music called [[manele]]. It is said to endow the driver with ultra-high reflexes and a loose mouth(slobod la gura).
 
Another form of enlightement is talking on the cell phone while driving. This helps the driver concentrate on the road. The cell phone is usualy accompanied by a cigarette bought from the "bisnitari" (a form of highly sophisticated tradesmen), though nobody knows how the steering of the car actualy takes place in this condition.
 
Romania is also the only country in the world where you can see a horse or donkey-driven carriage next to a [[Porsche]] Cayenne. If you think that carriages are ugly, you don't have to worry about seeing them at night, because they have absolutely no lights whatsoever. Some models have sophisticated cabins made of an old car, fitted with a steering wheel, cassette player and even a [[Car Alarm|alarm]]. (But no lights!)
 
Also here in Romania is very TARANESC - "Tzaranesc - Something really cool, but pretty basic, in order to be understandable by the peasants." to put neon lights under your car, even if by that you double the value of the car.
 
Also you can meet various forms of home made aillerons - even made from wood and painted in a different colour than the car - that should improve handling performances of the car (even if the car would reach 70 km/h only down the hill), and they are usualy combined with that strange form of music combined with very much noise and special distortion from car speakers - very low price combined with "good quality" - [[MANELE]].
 
Nowadays is a must to have a sticker on your car as a proof of your tuning ... RIEGER, ZENDER are very common... and some white stripes (Viper Style stripes). If u have all the above and you don't have some extra lights on your car than all your work has been in vain. For that purpose you can use lighbulbs designed for home use, leftover Xmas lights etc.
 
The heigh of elegance for a car is to have curtains and a dog in the rear window bouncing his head.
 
Also if you don't wear a couple of big fake-gols bracelets on both hands, and very big rings - "GHIULURI" (also something TARANESC; they are hand made by nomad gypsies from at least half a kilo of gold, in unique models that look very shitty), there's a great chance that a guy with a strange looking uniform, driving the car marked with ECILOP/AITILOP on the hood, will stop you and ask you for SHPAGA. And you should know that GHIULURI must be combined with at least two golden teeth - fitted in a very very visible place in your mouth so everybody can see how rich you are.
 
 
A new rule for some special romanian drivers... if u have a [[Logan]] car (basically this is a tuna fish can with some stupid wheels) you can drive on the middle of the road... and try to stop others from passing you. Ambulances and other emergency cars must never be allowed to pass you... If you make a mistake and someone tells you that, you just use your middle finger to say you're sorry... even if you know that you are a looser and someday you will be beaten for this smart and kind gesture...
 
 
===Driving In Bucharest===
 
 
easy steps :
 
 
- if the street is full, drive on sidewalk.
 
 
- if the sidewalk is full,go on the local river(Dambovitza),it has 3 speed lines.
 
 
- if you`re lost,ask a local show you the way.Hint : always take the opposite dirrection.
 
 
- if you are getting stopped by street police due to traffic misconduct, tell them your uncle is a senator or bribe them.
 
 
- if you are waiting for some pedestrians to cross the street at the street crossing, it is polite to start a conversation (as you'll have plenty of time) - for example:
 
* if one of the pedestrians is a man and he has burried his hands inside his jeans pockets, you could say something like "Bai, scoate mainile din buzunar ca-ti mananca pula unghiile." which means "Yes sir, you can never be too careful around this neighborhood - a lot of thieves are after your "pula" (money)." ("pula" does not mean "penis")
 
* if one of the pedestrians is a woman, you can start a conversation by saying something like "Bai muie, misca-te mai repede ca masina asta calca nu fute!" which means "Hi! I'll be glad to give you a lift!".
 
 
- the only rules of driving in Bucharest are the above rules. However, if you're not careful while driving in Bucuresti, you might get a ''mooje'' [[muie]]. Or end up in "Petrosani", aka shithole. The sister city of "Petrosani" is the well known Philadelphia, Pensylvannia. Hint, Petrosani is located in the Transylvannia region like Penssylvania. Resemblence? No not at all...
 
 
- and last but certainly not least, you can't be a propper romanian driver if you can't swear propperly. And you definitely can't be a Bucharest driver without being able to swear for 30 minutes without repeating yourself.
 
 
p.s :no drivers in bucharest are locals,all locals drive in the Danube Delta,proud home of Bird Flu (romanian : gripa aviara)
 
 
===You Know You're Romanian When...===
 
 
:You fix everything with a piece of wire and say "i'll get it fixed properly asap".
 
:After 5 years, the wire is still in place and you say "leave it be, it works, doesnt it?".
 
:When you dont have any wire available, you use wooden sticks and branches to fix your car.
 
:You know how tough life is in school without chinese fountain pens.
 
:You grew up on liver sandwiches.... and thought that was normal.
 
:You make your own noodles.
 
:Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
 
:You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
 
:You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
 
:You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.
 
:All your children have nick names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
 
:You know someone with 20 kids
 
:You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
 
:You can fit 10 people into a Peugeot 206.
 
:Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can... it mysteriously appears back where it was again.
 
:You have lace curtains.
 
:You have lace tablecloths.
 
:You have rugs covering every inch of your house.
 
:You have or had rugs on your walls.
 
:Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight.
 
:You ever heard of 'stomach stew'.
 
:You have curtains hanging across every doorway.
 
:Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what other 'frati' and 'surori' will think.
 
:You know someone that married his girlfriend of 2 months.
 
:Your mom is a doctor and force feeds you medicine for anything ranging from a headache, stomach ache to a stubbed toe.
 
:Your house is full of Romanian medicine that is probably illegal here.
 
:You and your friends or family have ever been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for being too loud or rowdy.
 
:Your mom recycles plastic cups and paper plates, and sandwich bags by washing them.
 
:You dont know how to use a dishwasher.
 
:You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table (musama).
 
:You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
 
:Your dad ever butchered a pig or lamb.
 
:You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
 
:Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (Got free with some household items).
 
:Your parents call you farm animals when you get them mad.
 
:Your mom ever chased you with a rolling pin or a broom telling you to stop so that she could hit you.
 
:Your dad ever told you to smack yourself over the mouth for being disrespectful.
 
:You're twenty years old and your parents are trying to send you to Romoville to get you married cause your old.
 
:Getting married at 18 is normal.
 
:Getting married at 16 actually happens.
 
:Your mom washes your clothing at 40.
 
:A new tax being passed by the government is simply a cover up because the end of the world is really coming.
 
:Asking if you can get a discount at a discount store on clearance items is normal and not embarrassing for your parents.
 
:You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
 
:You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
 
:You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
 
:You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
 
:If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
 
:When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
 
:Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
 
:You bought a cell phone for your parents and have to re-teach them how to use it regularely - and they keep telling you from time to time that "there is a small envelope on the screen"
 
:You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them away from getting dirty.
 
:It's "normal" if your wedding has 600 people. (and half of them you've never even seen, but they're related to you somehow eg.cuscra lu' cumatra leana matusa lu a mica sora lu unchiu' fane a lu marioara de la tara)
 
:You dont know half the people at your wedding cuz your parents invited them.
 
:You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.That's why it is forbidden to use it during stops.
 
:You have mastered the art of bargaining in grocery shopping.
 
:You want BERE (BEER aka BOOZE) 24/7 !
 
:You have a goat, it dies, and you wish the neighbor's goat also died
 
:You run out of toilet paper, but you always have piles of newspapers to use instead
 
:You take anything that "grows" on public property (corn, sunflower seeds, gasoline - from the transporting pipes between cities)always justifying that "da-i dracu', ca au furat destul de la popor" i.e. "our country is so rich, it can feed us, all"
 
:You keep the chickens which accidentally entered your yard due to the poor condition of the neighbor's fence (which is also yours)or you cook them right away before the neighbor realizes
 
:You poison your neighbor's dog because it was barking at you when you tried to fix the lock of his cellar at 3 AM last night
 
 
 
 
 
[[category:Romania]]
 
[[Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes]]
 

Versiunea de la data 5 noiembrie 2007 17:54

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This article is part of the What I Didn't Know about Romania series.
Stema romaniei rl.gif


Welcome to the What I Didn't Know about Romania series, compiled from a collection of articles about Romania. See also:

Alpha and Omega of Romania: boringness

"Nice country, stupid people." humans say. In fact, romanians are animalic wherewolves gone insane that mimic the original human life forms, only as long as somebody's watching. Well, boring.


A fag's opinon...

"On behalf of the author(s) who wrote these things, I apologize... They want to burn in hell... Please remember that this article is somehow supposed to be Funny (it just ended up being a bad joke) Yeah and I`m sure the one who wrote that last bit has a lot to be proud of. Like his intelect for example... i think it`s high... higher than a piece of gum stuck to my shoe at least, and lower than a dog`s brain who`s only interest in a day is liking his behind or valuables... and dreaming about what he did the rest of the day. P.S. Real sporty of u for deleting my message."

This is a typical message delivered to you by the Online Holy Communist army of Romania. They are a highly organized cult that operates online, and consider themselves to be the True Guardians of Romanian Culture. Their job is to scan the Internet via their brain testicles and eliminate any information that they perceive as insulting for the Great Holy National Socialist Party of Romania, to whom they are affiliated. They usually run in packs of four (patrule), packs of three (triule), or, like above, packs of one (pule).

The Online Holy Communist army of Romania begun in 1945. Since then it has been recruiting simple people from the country side, fed them with patriotic stories, and let them loose in the streets (now on the internet). A classical example is Corneliu Vadim Tudor (which the Online Holy Communist army of Romania considers to be the one true God).


"THIS IS BULL SHIT !" An example of another such quote.


Message to the above: You're a real tough/smart -ass when you're behind the keyboard, I bet.